Companionship
by Jasper.Fangirl
Summary: Jasper is suffering. Emmett is there to help him through.


**Companionship**

Rosalie's car sped out of the Cullens' garage and down the driveway. She, Alice, and Esme were going shopping. Carlisle and Edward were off on a hunting trip and weren't going to return until late the next day. That left Emmett and Jasper to spend some quality time together.

Jasper was sitting on the bed in the room he and Alice shared. He drew his knees up toward his chest. He rested his arms on top of his knees and buried his face.

Downstairs, Emmett was mindlessly flipping through the channels on the TV, but he soon realized there was nothing on. Bored, he turned it off with a sigh. The noise of the TV was suddenly replaced with noise of a different kind. The sound of Jasper's sobs came from upstairs. Emmett stood up. He jogged up two flights of stairs and down the hall to Jasper and Alice's room. He knocked on the door. "Jazz? Are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

Jasper miserably buried his head even deeper. His muffled voice answered, "I'm fine."

"No you're not," Emmett turned the knob, but the door was locked. Jasper had a tendency to quarantine himself this way. "Jazz, open the door." Emmett insisted.

"No," Jasper repeated.

"Jasper, if you don't open the goddamn door, I will break it down, so help me God. Do not test me," Emmett threatened.

Jasper didn't answer. Emmett braced himself and then charged through the door, causing chunks of wood to fly everywhere. Jasper flinched. "Esme's not going to be happy with you," he said, looking up at Emmett with his sad eyes.

"Do you really think I care?" Emmett challenged.

"Judging by your attitude, I'd say not."

"Actually, Jasper, I think she'd be relieved. This way, you can't isolate yourself anymore."

Jasper looked down at the bed. "Emmett…"

Emmett sat on the bed next to Jasper and reached out to touch his arm. Jasper drew back. Emmett cautioned him with his eyes, and reached out again, slower this time. "Seriously, Jazz. It worries us."

"Why?" Jasper said.

"Because you go off all by yourself and suffer in private while everyone else is spending time together. No one should refuse companionship, especially someone in such a fragile state as you," Emmett answered.

"So, what, I need a watchdog? To be under constant supervision like a toddler?" Jasper snapped.

"What you need is to talk to us once in a while! Locking yourself away isn't going to solve anything."

"How do you know? Are you speaking from experience?"

Emmett growled in frustration. "No, Jasper, I'm using common sense. You stay cooped up all by yourself all day every day, refusing company! You tell us that you're okay, but we're not stupid! We know damn well that you're not! Anyone with a half a brain could take one look at you and see that! The bottom line is, you're miserable and you're doing absolutely nothing about it!" Emmett raged.

"Who are you to judge me? Who are you to tell me what I'm doing is wrong when you have no idea what I've been through?" Jasper shouted.

Emmett was surprised by Jasper's anger. It was very uncharacteristic of him. "A friend," he finally replied, a hint of sadness in his voice. "Or so I'd like to think. Maybe someday, you'll think of me as a brother, just like I think of you."

Jasper was crushed by the weight of Emmett's words. He looked up at Emmett with a wounded expression on his face, then stared back down at the bed.

Emmett wrapped his arm around Jasper. "Jazz," he said soothingly, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

Jasper didn't answer.

"All I meant is that it's not normal."

"Has it ever occurred to you that I'm not normal?"

"Jasper."

"What?"

"What are you implying?" Emmett asked, warning evident in his voice.

"Just take a look at me! I'm a freak! I'm a disfigured, bloodthirsty killer! A horrifying monster who is unworthy of anyone's love!" Jasper cried.

Rage boiled up inside of Emmett once more. "What kind of person do you think I am? How lowly do you think of the people in this family?"

Jasper cowered, terrified at Emmett's sudden mood swing. "I-I d-don't at all think lowly of you or the r-rest of the family. You're the m-most wonderful p-people in the world. How c-could you even think that?"

"Do you really think we would've let you into our family if that's what we thought of you? What kind of people would we be if we associated with someone who fit your description of yourself? Do you think that Alice would've fallen head over heels for you if you were as horrible as you say? And if she would've, then that would mean that there's something seriously wrong with her!" Emmett asserted.

Emmett had him there. Jasper couldn't think of a single flaw that Alice had. To him, she was the most perfect person in the world. "But you're far too kind to me…" Jasper mumbled. "I don't deserve it."

"Do you think I would be nice to you if you didn't deserve it?"

Jasper didn't answer.

"Let me rephrase that," Emmett said. He hugged Jasper tightly. Jasper tensed up for a fraction of a second, and then relaxed ever so slightly. After a few moments, Emmett let go, and he asked, "Did that feel insincere to you?"

Jasper gauged Emmett's emotions. Love. Care. Concern. "No," he said quietly. "It didn't."

Emmett chuckled. "I told you, I love you like a brother. And I think you're amazing. You're a much better person than you give yourself credit for."

"You're exaggerating."

"No, J, I'm not. Every day, when I see your scars, I just think of how much pain you must've gone through. And I also know that the war must've been really brutal, but you endured it. You haven't really told me much about yourself, but I can tell that you've gone through a ton of awful things, and you're still here to tell the tale. I never would've been able to survive, and Edward says that he wouldn't have either. You must be the strongest person in the universe."

Jasper shook his head. "In some ways I'm strong, but in so many more, I'm weak. Sometimes I…" Jasper's voice cracked, and he tried his hardest to hold back the sobs that threatened to overtake him.

Emmett put his hand on Jasper's shoulder. "Take your time," he said.

After a couple of false starts, Jasper managed to put his thoughts into complete sentences. "Sometimes I… can hardly hold myself together. I'm so tired- mentally, physically, and emotionally. I feel completely sapped of energy, and I'm in constant pain. My old scars hurt me occasionally, and the mental and emotional anguish is often more than I can bear. I… I'm haunted by memories that I'd rather forget. Memories of pain, of battle, of death, destruction, rape, fear, injury, more pain, and despair. But I know from being with Alice that if I did forget, it would be almost as painful as what I'm going through now. I-I'm in a constant state of terror. One of my worst fears is that Maria will come after me someday. I'm afraid of people being scared off by my appearance, I'm afraid of giving in to my ravenous thirst, I'm afraid of disappointing you and the rest of the family… So much fear. I'm terrified of mirrors. Every time I catch sight of one of my scars, I get flashbacks of the pain that every one of them caused me. Then I have to feel everyone else's emotions, which is a heavy burden. I wish I could just go to sleep so I could forget everything, but I know that if I did, I'd have nightmares. I'm so overwhelmed…" Jasper trailed off, sobbing hysterically.

Emmett hugged Jasper close as he cried. "It's okay, Jasper, it's okay," he whispered.

"I'm so tired of being strong," Jasper sobbed.

"Then don't," Emmett said. "You need to be vulnerable once in a while. Let yourself cry, let yourself feel your own emotions. I know it's tough, since you feel everyone else's so strongly that it's hard to focus on your own, but I know you can do it."

"I'll try."

"I know you will," Emmett said.

The two brothers continued to hug until Jasper finally got all of the tears out of his system. "I'm sorry, Emmett, I didn't mean to break down that way."

"What did I just tell you?" Emmett asked.

"I know, I know. It's just that I'm such a basket case sometimes. I stand by what I said earlier- I'm definitely not normal."

Emmett chuckled. "Jasper, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that normalcy is a myth. Everyone has their own quirks and unique personalities. I, for example, am an enormous, obnoxious, immature, powerful hulk of a person who is not startlingly clever, is very open, speaks before he thinks, and has the sex drive of a rabbit in heat." Both Jasper and Emmett laughed. "You, on the other hand, are the quiet empath who plays guitar, is a genius, who has PTSD, who can control peoples' emotions, and who has been through a tragic past and has the scars to show for it. We're both a little… weird, but that's what makes us interesting. That's why we get along so well- we're both freaks in our own way."

Jasper laughed. He took great comfort in the knowledge that someone else understood him, if only a little bit. "Yes, I suppose you're right."

Emmett grinned widely. "And just think about Alice. She's such a special person. She needed someone just as unique and special to complete her, and she found you."

Jasper thought for a moment. "I guess," he said slowly, "that if someone as perfect as Alice can love me, then I'm not all bad."

"That's exactly what I've been trying to tell you."

A wave of rightness washed over Jasper. He smiled in a way that he hadn't smiled in what seemed like ages. Emmett thumped him on the back, smiling. "See? Was that so hard?"

"Yes, actually, it was," Jasper said. "I don't think I'll ever be able to think of myself as beautiful or wonderful, but just knowing that I'm good enough for Alice and the rest of the family is enough for me."

"I've been waiting for years to hear you say that," Emmett beamed.

Jasper smiled. "I'm glad you forced me to talk to you."

Emmett lightly punched Jasper on the arm. "Hey, I'm here for you anytime. No matter what I'm doing or where I am, just know that if you need to talk, I'll be right there. I just hope that next time I won't have to force you."

The two sat quietly for a long while, and Jasper broke the silence. "Um, Emmett?"

"Yes, Jasper?"

"What are we going to tell Esme when she asks why the door is missing?"

"I don't know. What are you going to tell her?"

"What do you mean, what am **I** going to tell her? You're the one who charged through it!" Jasper exclaimed.

"Excellent point, my brother. But you're a lot smarter than me. It's your job to think of things. It's my job not to think of things," Emmett said.

"What…? What kind of sense does that make?"

"It made perfect sense to me, little brother," Emmett replied.

"Little brother? I'm almost 100 years older than you!"

"But you were changed when you were a few months younger than I was when I was changed."

"100 years makes a lot more difference than a few months. At least I think it does."

"I bet you do," Emmett teased.

"Argh, Emmett, you are impossible!" Jasper cried, exasperated.

Emmett guffawed and mussed up Jasper's hair.

"All right, Emmett. Let's try this again. What are we going to tell Esme?" Jasper said, looking straight into Emmett's eyes.

Emmett looked up at Jasper's hair, which was sticking up in every direction, and guffawed again.

"Emmett! I'm being serious!"

Emmett managed to compose himself, and then he sat a moment in thought. "How about the truth?" he finally offered.

"What truth? That you ploughed through it?" Jasper asked, questioning Emmett's sanity.

"No. That I was saving you from yourself."

"I guess you're right."

The room went silent again. "Um, Jasper?" Emmett said after a while.

Jasper smiled. "Yes, Emmett?"

"When I was describing myself earlier, I said that I was obnoxious, not very clever, and immature. And that I'm a freak. I distinctly remember that after I finished my speech, you said, 'Yes, I suppose you're right.' I-is that what you really think of me?" He looked at Jasper with what appeared to be a hint of sadness in his eyes.

Jasper's eyes widened in shock, and he wrapped his arm around Emmett. He rushed to explain himself. "No, of course not. I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I just…" A devilish grin swept over Emmett's face and Jasper felt the waves of mischief, amusement, and triumph emanating from him. "EMMETT!" Jasper yelled. "I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Emmett sprang off of the bed and stood in the doorway. Jasper stood up and warned, "You had better run."

"Eep!" Emmett uttered. He bolted down the hall, downstairs, and out the door.

"You may be stronger, but I can outrun you any day of the week!" Jasper called as he started to pursue.

Jasper bolted outside after his brother. He quickly made up the distance that separated them. He matched Emmett pace for pace, then he finally tired of the chase. Jasper tackled him into the ground. They both started to laugh hysterically as they wrestled around in the fallen leaves. Suddenly, Jasper stopped. Emmett pinned him. "Gotcha," Emmett said.

Jasper didn't answer.

"Jasper…?" Emmett said, worried that he might have hurt his brother unintentionally.

"Yeah?"

Emmett breathed a sigh of relief. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"What did I tell you about minimizing your suffering?" Emmett chastened.

"Emmett, I'm being completely serious. I feel happier than I have in a long time. Talking and spending time with you has made me feel liberated, like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm just wondering why I ever wanted to be alone in the first place."

"I told you. People weren't meant to be alone. They're social animals by nature."

"I realize that now. Thank you so much, Emmett. My brother," Jasper said.

"You're welcome," Emmett said, moved.

"How can I ever thank you?" Jasper wondered.

"Spend time with us, instead of alone with your books and your guitar. I'm not saying to cut those things out entirely, but just to do them in moderation. All of us have been waiting for the day when you'd become an active member of the family, when you'd finally warm up to us and accept our love. Learn to rely on us to help you through when you feel like you can't take the pain anymore. Join in our conversations, and have fun with us. That's all I'm asking. Just to be a part of the family you were accepted into," Emmett said.

"You're right. You've done so much for me- it's the least I could do. I'm sorry that I've been so… blind up until now."

"No worries, bro. Don't worry about the past; just think about all the things that you'll experience as the newest addition to the Cullen family."

Jasper smiled. "That sounds good. Better than you could ever imagine, actually. I'm looking forward to it."

Jasper felt hopeful. He had people who loved him despite everything he had been, and they'd give him the companionship he deserved. They'd provide him with endless care and concern, which was just what he needed to get through the rough days ahead of him. It gave him the strength to carry on.


End file.
